My son needs help...do I ?

Ms Grumpy · #1 01-01-2011, 08:13 PM

My oldest son is 23 and lives in Texas. He texted me today that he didn't make enough money last month to pay his rent. Now he has been struggling for a while, and has never really asked for anything. But, he is a subcontractor and his boss says that he is not paying him, because the customers are not paying their bills.

So what do I do. We know that he has been struggling for a while. And he told me today that if he moves back home, then people will know that he failed. I told him that he is not a failure, he has a job, and that many people are in the same boat as him.

I could get into my little car (40 mpg) and drive to Texas and back, approx 3,000 miles and stay in a few decent hotels.. For about as much as a plane ticket would cost, but then what does he do with all his "stuff".

So what do I do. Do I try to convince him to come home ? I really am not comfortable with giving him money for his rent, cause I am sure that he will be in the same situation next month. What do you think ?

grumpy · #2 01-01-2011, 08:22 PM

Tell the shit to come home !

Rank · #3 01-01-2011, 09:34 PM

Dad is right ..... its tough out there. Most of us grew up having the door shown to us when we graduated, dropped out or questioned authority because we were raised by parents of the depression and that was their values... whereas OUR values were/is peace and love and rock and roll. ... give the kid a refuge where he can regoup and get his shit together .... just dont coddle, that is no good for anyone.

shadowgray396 · #4 01-02-2011, 01:02 AM

I have bail out a lot of people through the years including my children. It's harder for our children these days and sometimes just coming home and get re-focus helps. Its what we do as parents.

Mike 1972SS · #5 01-02-2011, 08:44 AM

You know him better than anyone, but I think coming home should be the last option. Maybe you can help hime financially for a month until he finds another job. I'm sure the job market in Texas is better than Michigan where he'll really have a harder time finding a job. After he finds a new job, then make sure he takes his previous boss to small claims court to get paid.

Good luck to him whatever he decides.

Mike

mikes67 · #6 01-02-2011, 09:25 AM

I live in Texas and the job market here in San Antonio is not that bad. If he has a skill, like carpenter, plumber, etc. then the jobs are plentiful but if he is not then it's going to be hard.
If you bring him home you better set a time frame of how long, and he needs to start looking for that job immediately not in a little while otherwise you will come home from your job and find him on your couch playing video games eating your food and drinking your milk. These kids these days sometimes need to spend a little time on the streets and see what its like to survive out there, I did it for 26 years and can now say by the Grace of God that I am sober for 21 years and have my family back which includes a 27 year old son and a wife that remarried me now for 17 years. I have a good secure job and the love and respect of the community, i'm not the mayor but i am respected.
Bring him home if your heart tells you so, but set some ground rules and set them quick.
God Bless
mikes 67

Ms Grumpy · #7 01-02-2011, 10:00 AM

Matt is a hard worker, and is actually working as a locksmith in Texas (a trade he learned here from a regular customer that I had). Matt is one of the most respectful, helpful and overall nicest guys you would ever meet, and I am not saying this because I am his mom. I have had many, many, many people tell me this all the time. The one thing that Matt has holding him back is that he has a form of ADD. He has always had a difficulty reading, he has grown up learning things by example. Show him something once and that is usually all it takes.

I talked to him last night and he said he wanted to wait until Monday to make a decision. I know if he moves home it will only be until he can get a place of his own. But I also know that, right now, he doesn't have a car. Right now the owner of the business he works for has been letting him use the company van, because Matt is on call 24hrs a day.

mikes67 · #8 01-02-2011, 11:38 AM

I was in no way saying anything bad about your son. I can relate to the ADD i have adult ADD and hav had to teach myself how to do a lot of things.
What part of Texas is your son in?
He can go to school and get help under the Americans with Disabilities Act just type that into Google and it will give you a lot of information about what is out there for him.
Blessings
mikes67

flash · #9 01-02-2011, 03:47 PM

Ms Grumpy ,Im sure you and your son will both make the right decision .I would go where the work is as I know how it is to be out of work .Best wishes either way .

1964elcamino · #10 01-08-2011, 12:38 AM

Help as you can.Money ,wisdom , love.My son tried Texas ,didnt work.He found a job back here in Ill .With help from family he made up his mind and came home.I was on a plane as soon as he told me he was coming home.Rented a truck and trailer for his car and we drove 19 hours back.He has a good job now and an extended family here and new friend in Texas that are happy for him.Offer help and let him make up his mind,set some time limits as how long and how much you can help.It will work out. Good Luck to your son And to you and your family. Gary O