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  #221  
Old 12-19-2015, 11:53 AM
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Ken Hayes Ken Hayes is offline
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Old Age

* Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!!!
* I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
* I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
* My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
* Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
* I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
*The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes" .
* Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
* I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
* The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
* If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
*Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
*Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!
* Old age is coming at a really bad time!
* Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
* Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
* When did it change from "We the people" to "Screw the people" ?
* Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
* At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
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  #222  
Old 12-21-2015, 05:31 PM
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Hank70SS Hank70SS is offline
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I don't have A.D.D. it's just that .... Oh look a bunny!
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  #223  
Old 12-21-2015, 08:45 PM
carpoor carpoor is offline
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A jet plane, feared to be Air Force One, has crashed at a farm in Rural Kentucky. The local Sheriff’s department mustered every last deputy and resource as it converged on the crash site. By the time they arrived at the scene, only the burning skeleton of the hull was visible.

The sheriff and his deputies immediately began searching for survivors and dead bodies but found nothing. Just then, a deputy noticed a farmer plowing the next field over who seemed oblivious to the crashed airplane.

Rushing over to talk to the farmer the sheriff yelled, “Hank, what happened here? Did you see this jet crash?” “Yeah, I saw it sheriff,” the farmer said calmly. “Well do you know that this is Air Force One, President Obama’s plane?” “Yep” “Were there any survivors?” “No sir, theys all dead as doornail,” Hank answered. “I buried them all this morning myself.” “President Obama is dead?” asked the sheriff. “Well” Hank mumbled starting up his tractor, “He kept a-sayin he wasn’t, but you know how bad that sumbitch lies.”
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  #224  
Old 12-21-2015, 10:04 PM
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Now I liked that one.
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  #225  
Old 12-22-2015, 03:27 PM
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Saw this on facebook. Around here we need them. Uh you running off the road there doing 30 in a 55.

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  #226  
Old 01-26-2016, 06:48 PM
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Hillary Takes a Muslim Name......



TERRORIST ACTIVITY HAS CAUSED HILLARY CLINTON

TO TAKE MEASURES IN ORDER TO PROTECT HER CANDIDACY

FOR THE 2016 PRESIDENCY.

FOR SECURITY REASONS, HILLARY HAS CHOSEN A MUSLIM NAME.


SELDOM BIN LAYED I can understand why! I cringe just at the thought of it!


.......as we get closer to the election, we must remember that we cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs........


The last time she had a simple job to do, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky.
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Last edited by Ken Hayes; 01-26-2016 at 06:52 PM.
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  #227  
Old 09-13-2016, 04:54 PM
carpoor carpoor is offline
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Obama asked Bill Clinton, "How is Hillary's head?"

To which he replied, "She's no Monica."
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