Daughter to Dad TEXTING Communication in Today's Generation



Daddy, I am coming home to get married, soon. Get out your check book. LOL

I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding."

Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly





Dads reply ....also by texting




My Dear Lilly: Like Wow! Really? Cool!

Whatever....., I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on Ebay.

L.O.L. ,

Daddy

Wish I had thought of that when my daughter wanted to get married. Lol

I
would have given him 100%!






The teacher had no sense of
humor.:)

Q1..In which battle did Napoleon
die?


* his last battle


Q2.. Where was the Declaration of
Independence signed?


* at the bottom of the page


Q3.. River Ravi flows in which
state?


* liquid


Q4.. What is the main reason for
divorce?


* marriage


Q5.. What is the main reason for
failure?

* exams


Q6..What can you never eat for
breakfast?

* Lunch & dinner


Q7..What looks like half an
apple?


* The other half


Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue
sea what will it
become?


* Wet


Q9..How can a man go eight days without
sleeping?


*No problem, he sleeps at
night.


Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one
hand?


*You will never find an elephant that
has one hand.


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges
in one hand and four apples and
three oranges in
other hand, what would you have?


* Very large hands


Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build
a wall, how long would it take
four men to
build it?


*No time at all, the wall is already
built.


Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a
concrete floor without cracking it?


*Any way you want, concrete floors
are very hard to crack.

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.

The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the Goalie !"

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone
under the knife or had those pellets implanted.......

The waiting room was filled with patients. As I approached the
receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who
looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me,
a now very embarrassed man.

But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE
OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!
DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny.

"Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.

" She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Subject: SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR





On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man, living on a nearby, reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction!... The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.



The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, ''This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become manlier than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."



The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"



"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4'," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."



He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"



And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling …….”Participle”.

That was pretty good .

Harriett recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.





Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....
You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,
"Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes,





She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?"





"Well here it comes."

Oh ,that was Bad .