My marriage is going down the tubes.
 

Hi guys my weekly vent here. My wifes mom is wrecking my wifes health and our marriage,and Maureen wants no help from me. I am sick and tired of getting yelled at all the time when I ask questions or offer help. It's really getting me pissed off now,to the point I'm ready to tell her to stay at her moms for good. That's all.

Sorry to hear this Gary!

If you need or want to vent or just talk, you got my #, give me a call.

Just never thought our life would get like this. Thank God I love my work,and I am glad my daughter has made a life for her self and she is not here to see her dad so miserable.

I don't think we ever imagine our lives could be screwed up especially when we try to live the best we can and do for others, but somehow life manages to give us a good kick in the nuts every so often.

I have never been married (so I am not a good one to relate) and have to say I am glad for that. I have watched way to many good friends get married and divorced and they are never the same.

I truly wish there was something I could do, but all I can do is offer to be there when you want to talk and give what support I can.

Thanks,Carl. Remember my post on your site about my car a trailer a Hemi Ram and my dog Malibu? It's looking better every day.

Well, head out here to Idaho for a vacation and I will have your drink of choice waiting for you.
Then we can go to a drag race or two.

Maybe even go cow tipping...lol


Seriously, if there is anything I can do...

Carl,my cell is dead and your number is at my office.If you want my home # is 724 539 8682.

dialing now

Thanks,my friend!

Gary, I will put you in my prayers. I have been through taking care of both my parents and It does put stress on the marraige. Take a deep breath and I hope things will smooth out for you.
Ray

Thanks,Ray. I'm in bed now,and my Malibu is next to me trying to cheer me up and doing a pretty a pretty good job at it.:) I do love my dogs.

Thanks,Mike and give Chris 7 puppy kisses from our home. How does she deal with this?

Gary, step back, take a few deep breaths. Tomorrow is always a new day.

I know first hand, the perils of a mother who loves to put strains on our marriage.


Dave

Sorry to hear this Gary. Guess you need to ask yourself, is your marriage and wife worth fighting for? No offense to women but based on first hand experience they tend to handle stressful situations differently than men. When they're angry and upset they want to punish somebody for it. Doesn't matter who or if they have anything to do with it, somebody needs to be punished. It doesn't make a lot of sense but it happens and often it's the person closest to them because they're available.

I mentioned before we took care of Lynda's parents for over 10 years. 10 years of watching her mom slowly die, in and out of the hospital so many times I lost count. I took some abuse for it but Lynda realized I was the only one that was going to help her through it. All these years later she is willing to help with my mom any way she can because she knows I was always there for her and her parents.

Try to sit down, calmly, and talk to Maureen. Make her aware of what she's doing to you and your marriage. Let her know that it can't continue or the marriage won't survive.

It was great talking to you Gary and as a friend you know I am here....anytime day or night.

Go give Malibu a big hug for me and tell him I am glad he is your buddie!!!!

I'm better this morning,2 people have already paid for my bad mood!:p Waving

Glad to hear it. Family issues are the worst, you can walk away from friends when there's a problem, not so easy with family.

Who knows what's in store when I get home.

Gary, you're acting like this is all happening to you. I feel for you man, and have an idea of what you're going through man, but you aren't the victim here. I'm not sure who really is. Partly, your wife thinks SHE is the victim, and partly she thinks her mother is the victim. Both of those things tick her off. She's already ticked off, before she even thinks about you. Anything you do, and I mean ANYTHING you do, that even remotely goes against her wishes. she will not tolerate. She already has all this crap to deal with and you're not supposed to add ANY. What she expects is for you to be self-sufficient, and to know what she needs from you without having to spell it out to you, or ask you for it. Don't talk to her about any of it. Don't ask her about it. If she wants to talk about it she will. Give her the feeling that you'll listen without reacting, and if she wants to talk she will. If she talks to you about it, just LISTEN. It is hard, trust me. I know. You don't like seeing her go through this.

Things aren't "normal" right now, so you shouldn't expect her to "act" normally. She won't respond the same way she does when she's generally happy with things....right? Divest yourself a little bit, like take a little distance, but don't go hide or anything. From now on, only be nice to your wife, like all the time, and know that it is for the greater good. Do it and be satisfied with being the only person that notices. It won't be like this forever. This will clear out or blow over somehow, and when the dust settles, she'll be able to elax some. Maybe sometime she'll have time to reflect on things, and she'll remember that you were cool to her. Do some things for her. Don't expect anything back for it either. Little things. Maybe expect her to still be riled up for a while, but know inside that you're doing the right thing. She'll see it eventually.

Don't let it bother you so much. Waving

I made her laugh tonight,anyways. Her brother and sister were at the house and she gave them a piece of her mind. I was sitting on the front porch listening.:p I said man this is great,I need some chips and beer to go with this show.Her family was not amused. She is in a much better mood tonight.:)

Good news my friend!!!!!!!!!
Keep making her laugh and soon you will be laughing together!

Gary, you're acting like this is all happening to you. I feel for you man, and have an idea of what you're going through man, but you aren't the victim here. I'm not sure who really is. Partly, your wife thinks SHE is the victim, and partly she thinks her mother is the victim. Both of those things tick her off. She's already ticked off, before she even thinks about you. Anything you do, and I mean ANYTHING you do, that even remotely goes against her wishes. she will not tolerate. She already has all this crap to deal with and you're not supposed to add ANY. What she expects is for you to be self-sufficient, and to know what she needs from you without having to spell it out to you, or ask you for it. Don't talk to her about any of it. Don't ask her about it. If she wants to talk about it she will. Give her the feeling that you'll listen without reacting, and if she wants to talk she will. If she talks to you about it, just LISTEN. It is hard, trust me. I know. You don't like seeing her go through this.

Things aren't "normal" right now, so you shouldn't expect her to "act" normally. She won't respond the same way she does when she's generally happy with things....right? Divest yourself a little bit, like take a little distance, but don't go hide or anything. From now on, only be nice to your wife, like all the time, and know that it is for the greater good. Do it and be satisfied with being the only person that notices. It won't be like this forever. This will clear out or blow over somehow, and when the dust settles, she'll be able to elax some. Maybe sometime she'll have time to reflect on things, and she'll remember that you were cool to her. Do some things for her. Don't expect anything back for it either. Little things. Maybe expect her to still be riled up for a while, but know inside that you're doing the right thing. She'll see it eventually.

Don't let it bother you so much.
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I'm staying outta this one but if I was to put in my 2-cents it would be to echo your sentiments!

Gary, I have been where you are at and it may get worse before it gets better .BUT it will get better ,she is very stressed .Maureen needs your support now more than ever, as hard as it will be on you. She needs to let it out and you are her only true support .Just let her give it to you and try and understand that she loves you ,she is just hurting inside. Your outlaws(in-laws) sound just like mine .

Gary,
Here goes a womans opinion. I think from reading your posts for the last few months, family is important to you. So....

Most of these guys were right in alot of the things that they said. My suggestions, First thing she needs to know how much you love her and will be there for her without you making too big of a deal out of it, lay a card on her pillow for her to find when she is alone. Second, can you do something for her mother? Send flowers to the house with just a simple card, have her yard taken care of for her. Just something to show your wife that you care.

Your wife is so stressed right now and she doesn't want to show any weakness, even to you. She is a woman and wants to be strong for everyone.

Good luck to you, please keep us informed.
Nancy

She is better today after having it out with her family,and coming to grips knowing the end is near for her mom. We took a little cruise in the Chevelle tonight and stopped at the DQ.That made her feel better.

It's times like this you will need to support your wife. It's not easy knowing you are going to lose your mom and everyone react differently. I was so glad my wife supported me when I lost both of my parents, and I know I was not easy to live with. Glad you had some time tonight to get away from things even just for a few minutes. Hang in there and again you guys are in our prayers.
Ray

It's the little things that mean the most to her right now. Glad you had some quality time with her tonight.

Atta boy. It will be alright Gary.