My neighbor Gus

[69chevelless]

This guy is hilarious, keep the stories comin Hank.

[Hank70SS]

When I walked over to talk to Darryl about throwing mud on the road, I did notice Gus's yard looked very nice after the "Ritual Chinese Bleaching of the Trees". I might look into doing that. Not sure though, with close to 30 trees it could get expensive.

I guess what's her name is a real piece of work. Darryl says she has quite a temper. Gus was having some repair work done on his chimney. Not sure how it started but what's her name kicked over a bucket of mortar. The brick guys almost blew a gasket, packed up all their stuff and left. Now Gus has to try to get them back to finish up the work.

Darryl said Gus has mentioned to him twice recently that he misses Teresa. Now might be a good time to sell your stock in Viagra.

[Hank70SS]

I'll have to try and remember some more Gus stories to tell. In the meantime let me tell you about my former neighbor George. We never hit it off too well but I tried to be a good neighbor and help him when I could.

So one day I see George and his 2 son's tying a rope to the rear bumper of their old Taurus wagon. The other end securely tied to the base of a 30 some year old evergreen bush. Now I can spin all 4 tires on my pickup, on pavement, with a logging chain hooked to a bush like that.

So naturally I assumed they were trying to remove the rear bumper of the Taurus. Well it didn't work, the rope broke. So they tied the rope back together, now who would have guessed it but that damn rope broke again.

Well after the entertainment value of watching them repeat this process a few more times wore off, I offered the use of a logging chain to aid in removing the bumper. Well, George informed me they were trying to remove the bush, not the bumper. So I informed him that it was never going to happen using the Taurus. I drove my pickup over and after a little pulling and chopping at the roots we got it out.

George's brother was the real mechanical brains of the family. So he came over to help change the blades on the lawn tractor. I think George hit the steel culvert that comes under the road while cutting the grass. Anyway, George and the mechanical genius lift the front of the tractor up and stand it upright, balancing on the rear tires and rear fenders.

Well they get the blades off, George goes up to HD and gets some new blades. I notice them monkeying around with a pipe wrench trying to put the new blades on and offered the use of a socket and ratchet. I take the tools over and notice the spindles have a 6 point star pattern and the blades have a 5 point star. I politely mention that he has the wrong blades. Ya, I know he says, they didn't have the right ones so I got these instead.

I asked him if he would please let me know when he was going to be cutting the grass because I wanted to put my vehicles in the garage and myself safe inside the house. I guess he thought better about his plan and put the old blades back on. Mind you the end of one blade was bent down over an inch. He used those blades for the next 3 years on the rare occasions that they went out to plow the lawn.

[RBeckman]

Is that the house to the south of yours? When I was there, it was not mowed.

[Hank70SS]

Originally Posted by RBeckman

Is that the house to the south of yours? When I was there, it was not mowed.

That's the house Ric, not sure if they hadn't plowed recently, they liked to wait until it was at least 6" tall or maybe that was after it was foreclosed and they moved out.

[Hank70SS]

My neighbor Gus, part trois, I'll have to stop soon since I don't speak French. I'll post this now so you early birds have something to start your day with.

So we've lived here for 11 years this month. I never really talked to Gus or Teresa for the first 7 or 8 years, as I said he was always working. We'd wave or say hi on the rare occasions when we did see Gus outside, Teresa was never outside.

So a few years ago after he hooked up with Suc-suc, I mean Lay-lay, oh whatever, we start getting Christmas cards from Gus and what's her name. I thought that was kind of nice, they didn't show up until late January or early February, but hey, it's the thought that counts.

Now these weren't your off the shelve cards, they're the made to order ones with a picture on them. That's probably why they were so late, picking out just the right picture then waiting while they're printed up. Oh ya! a picture of Gus and what's her name on one of their world travels. Gus with his arm around WHN, sporting some trendy shorts with the belt stylishly placed just below the nipples.

Mind you now, Gus is not a follower, he's a leader. So none of that 'belt exactly 1" below the nipple on each side' as current fashion norms would dictate. No, not Gus, he had that 'devil may care' look going. Only a 1/2" down on one side and a full 2" on the other, what a crazy guy.

I'll have to see if Lynda saved any of those Christmas cards so I can post one of the pictures. I'm sure she did, she usually saves those really special cards you only get now and then. That would start you guys day off right.

Oh, I should put the telephoto lens on the camera and see if I can get a picture of Gus next time he's outside. I'm sure he'll be wearing his powder blue flannel jammy pants. He's had them on every time I've seen him since they came back from FL, sure hope they've been washed in that time.

He wears them at a stylishly high level as well, close to the armpits but not quite. Maybe he just has them up there so they don't drag in the mud that keeps mysteriously showing up in the street in front of his house. Sure wish I knew what's going on with that, pretty disturbing situation.

[FlintTony]

Find the pictures Hank. I gotta see what this character looks like. I'm thinking he looks a lot like me?

[Hank70SS]

Originally Posted by FlintTony

Find the pictures Hank. I gotta see what this character looks like. I'm thinking he looks a lot like me?

Look like you? We both know there is only one other guy that looks like you Tony and it aint Gus.

[Ms Grumpy]

This is better than some of the new shows on TV. I will have to check this post everyday to get my "Gus" fix.

[Hank70SS]

Apparently we're in for some monsoons here in MI. Gus had new gutters installed on his house and he got the 6" commercial grade ones. Guess he knows something we don't. He also had them install metal screening over them to keep the leaves out, not a bad idea. Darryl wanted the screens too so they went over to his house after they finished up at Gus's.

The gutter guy asked Darryl if he had binoculars. Darryl said no, why? The gutter guy told him that WHN was watching them with binoculars and video-taping the whole time they were putting the gutters on Gus's house. When they were all done she started bitching that they hadn't caulked around the big spikes where they go through the gutter. First, if you fill a 6" gutter with water that high, a little caulk isn't going to help.

Anyway, they must have asked that they be caulked because the gutter guy said he had caulked them with clear silicone RTV. Well after some arguing back and forth he said he finally went back up and caulked over the clear RTV with white RTV so WHN could see it and would shut up.

I thought Gus was a little strange, sounds like him and WHN are a good match.