Tough day for my daughter - Page 2

shadowgray396 · #11 10-03-2014, 08:19 PM

Its called, tough love. Hope she can come out of this a better person. She is going to need all the support she can get to stop drinking.

Ken Hayes · #12 10-03-2014, 09:03 PM

She will eat......she may not like it but she will eat. When I was in those 10 days, I got to cherish all those crumbs.

carpoor · #13 10-06-2014, 06:32 PM

I hope she has an epiphany and snaps out of whatever funk she is in.

I say that as a former heavy drinker/alcohol abuser. I caught a break once 4.5 years ago and changed my ways from that moment on. I literally went 550+ days without a drink immediately after that butt-puckering experience. Since then, I might have a drink 2-3 times per year. And when I do, it is one and done. This year, I can recall only drinking once. I had a drink on my birthday with dinner. I was out with friends and had one as a social thing, didn't really crave it or need to have it.

I wish her all the best, as I have seen the bottle get the best of myself and others close to me.

Ms Grumpy · #14 10-06-2014, 07:26 PM

Thank you for all the support guys. I talked to her this morning and she must think that I am the coldest mom alive. But at $4 a minute I am going to use it wisely and not be all lovey. Anyway she has to have her car disabled for 90 days within 24 hrs of her release from jail and I want to make sure that we have that lined up. I don't know if she realizes that she will violate her probation if she doesn't and she could go back to jail.

I found out some of the terms of her probation and I don't know how she is going to do it. The hardest thing is going to be the transportation, if there are buses that run she is going to be on or waiting for the bus for 6 hrs a day to get to the places she needs to be each day. I have a busy enough life and I don't know how this is going to fit in. I thought it was bad enough with 3 teenagers at home now it is like I just added another one... lol

Ms Grumpy · #15 10-09-2014, 06:31 PM

She got out of jail at 12:40am this morning. At 8:30 this morning she was at my house waiting for the company to come out and disable her car. We had a few minutes to talk and she told me that most of the woman that were in the jail with her were people who violated their probabation because they could not afford to pay for all the things that the probation entails. Councelors approved by the court ($45-$75 a visit not covered by insurance, she has to go once a week for the next 3 months), drug testing ($20-$40 a pop, sometimes 4 times a week), disabling your car for 3 months ($90 service call +$37.50 a month for 3 months then another $90 for them to come out and take the club off of her stearing wheel), court costs, jail fees and more. Then she has a car payment and insurance, even though she cannot drive it and what about living expenses and the expense of having a child.

I think that the court system is set up for people to fail. And then we, the general public, pay for incarcerating the people who cannot afford to pay the fees. So they throw them in jail, which is over crowded and we pay for it. Who wins here ???

I can hope that she has changed. But from this morning I still saw the same girl, maybe a little more stressed about what she has to do. I told her straight, she is lucky that she has a guy who has stood by her thru all of this, who took care of many things while she was in jail. I said that she needs to trust and listen to what this man says because he only has her best interest at heart, and if she doesn't, she might lose him. Seriously, how many of you would have stood by this girl ?

mestorod70 · #16 10-10-2014, 09:36 AM

I had two step sons that went thru similar things years ago.
All the hoops that had to be jumped thru were nearly imposible for a rich person with a
chaufer let alone a mere mortal.
Sometimes its easyer to just do the time and be done with it.

Hank70SS · #17 10-10-2014, 04:48 PM

That's going to be tough. You're right, sounds like it's set up to make sure they fail. Do have her drop collision and liability insurance on her car while it's disabled. It will save her a few dollars. Good luck.

RBeckman · #18 10-10-2014, 06:53 PM

This maybe rough but the old saying "if you can't do the time don't do the crime" I've had 2 friends killed by drunk drivers so I'm not the most sympathetic person on here for a second offense. We all make mistakes, but we have to learn from them and not make it again, so a second offense needs to be hard and expensive since the first did not teach her.

My nephew is a driver for UPS and he got popped for a .09 and what he had to do for the state and for UPS was double what others had to do and it said it cost him over 15k after everything was over. UPS still surprise him with Radom testing years later.

I know I've changed my habits 25 years ago and told my kids that they were on their own if they get hit with a DUI and I will come and get the anytime anywhere if they are drinking.

I real hope your daughter take this seriously and listens to her friends and family as it sounds she has a good support system.

Ms Grumpy · #19 10-10-2014, 08:51 PM

Ric, she is my daughter and I love her. But I do agree with you. She should not have been drinking and then get behind the wheel of a car. Besides the fact that she could have hurt other people, she has a daughter and could have hurt herself and maybe made her daughter an orphan.

I am glad that she has to go thru all of this, but in the same respect, I hate it because I can't let her be homeless because she has a child. I won't pay her bills but I will help her with child care and rides to and from work, school to pick up her daughter and her meetings. I will do this because I know that she isn't driving. She can't and won't because her car is parked in my driveway.....like I have room for my own cars. lol

RBeckman · #20 10-10-2014, 09:12 PM

I know, tough love is hard to do but it is the only power we have. I would do the same but as you but I don't let them know that as I want them to think real hard before they drink and drive. My oldest knows what I went through when my best friend was killed for just driving minding his own business leaving behind a wife and daughter.

When my son was younger I did go pick him and a friend after they were drinking at 2:00 a.m. from a friends home(they were 19) and it made me the very proud. I never even give them a lecture and made sure that they knew I was not mad.

We are parents forever and will always love them but they do make it hard sometimes.